This may well be the must unexpected post ever...

It is, to say the least, rare indeed that you'll read any praise on these pages for the PLC that is Manchester Utd but credit where it's due - they've done a good thing this week. Nobby Stiles, a man who managed to combine the twin achievements of winning a World Cup Final and proving that men should not dance, is such an unassuming chap that, according to his son, you'd never know what he achieved during his career on entering his house. No medals, shirts, caps, trophies on display. His medals were, apparently, in the bank and it was a matter of time before they were sold, and ill health has brought about that sale. Well Utd have bought them, and paid handsomely for the privilege, benefitting Mr Stiles' family in the process.

Stiles won his trophies while a Utd player, a European Cup for example, so the fact that they'll probably end up in the museum at Old Trafford means they're going to the right place if he cannot himself keep hold of them. I've been to the museum at Old Trafford and it's a place redolent with their history, with the Munich disaster section done movingly and tastefully, so it's a suitable home for his mementoes.

I can't of course, leave it without a bit of a dig at them, so here it is. As heartening as it is that there's clearly somebody in authority at Man U who's still got a connection with their past, it also serves only to place how far away they've come from that sense of history under the Glazers into sharp contrast. The recent 'Rooney-gate', to use a term the press might, is the best possible example of exactly that. Perhaps he should be led around the museum and shown Nobby's medals as a reminder of exactly what it is he's playing football for.

Once a blue, always a mercenary

It'll be difficult to keep a note of glee out of this entry, given the news coming out of Old Trafford that Rooney wants away. This is not just because of my usual anti-Utd tendency, though I freely admit there's an element of that involved, but also because of my experiences of the Utd fan base's attitudes to their players, and other clubs' players, in the past.

I've been to Old Trafford about 20 times, about half a dozen of which have been to see United play Liverpool. During a period when United had Alan 'I'll never join Man Utd' Smith and Wayne 'Once a blue, always a blue' Rooney in their ranks, they nonetheless took great delight in singing a song aimed specifically at Steven Gerrard which alluded to him 'kissing the badge on his chest' and putting in 'a transfer request', to quote them directly, after his alleged near-move to Chelsea. The clear implication from this song and the general demeanour of their fans when you talk to them was that only United's players had loyalty and integrity, and United were so great a draw that any player, no matter how loyal to their club, could be prised out of there by the glamour and allure of the biggest of the big boys.

Happy, happy days, then, that they're now seeing the mercenary nature of that same Wayne Rooney, seeing him for what he is and experiencing the potential loss of one of their star players. But where to? Now, putting aside the fact that I genuinely believe he'll end up staying there anyway, in the end, and just for the joy of indulging in some ABU fantasising, let's speculate for a moment. They'll never sell him to Liverpool, who in any case have neither the money nor the cachet to get him at the moment. They'll never sell him to City either - Ferguson would surely resign in protest if that happens. He won't go back to Everton, however romantic that may seem, as he's taken some fearful stick there, Everton are not a Champions' League regular, and they don't have the money. Arsenal? No chance - Ferguson again. Sell him to Wenger? Not bloody likely. Chelsea? Just maybe, but I'd be extraordinarily surprised if Ferguson sat by and let that happen either. Spurs? Hmmm. Just possibly, if the money could be found. But no - it's got to be abroad.

Only two realistic possibilities. Real Madrid seem to have limitless cash, certainly have the allure, and have already shown their ability to get virtually anybody. But during the protracted sale of Diving Cheat from United to there, Ferguson said he 'wouldn't sell that lot a virus'. So he'd probably be apoplectic if Rooney ended up back alongside the Winker - it'd be quite amusing to see his face going purple with fury if that happened.

Barcelona? Maybe. Got the cash, got the team, got the Champions' League chances. A definite contender. But I'd be very, very happy if a certain Mr Mourinho continued his glorious habit of getting the better of Fergie and did indeed get him to the Bernabeu. What larks.

The usual platitudes are of course being trotted out by fans - 'no player's bigger than the club' being the main one, to convince themselves everything's OK and the old order is not changing. But I rather fear (fear? That is to say, I rather hope) that Ferguson's legendary temper, mind games and general ill-grace are finally getting the better of him and damaging his club, as top players in this era may well not be prepared to put up with it. It's also a possibility he thinks he is bigger than the club, and behaves accordingly, having run it like a private fiefdom for so long. But the reality facing Utd under the Glazers is that when sufficient money is dangled for even the very best players, even they are now a selling club. They're having to face the same realities that have faced plenty of clubs, plenty of big clubs, whose players they've cherry-picked so easily in the past.

That's why I'm enjoying this situation so fully. I suspect, as I say, that all this will blow over and Rooney will stay put, but the discomfort it must be causing within the Old Trafford walls, and in their support, gives me warm, fuzzy feelings.

Edit: See? The very next day it emerges he's signed a five-year extension, no doubt on even better money. It was fun while it lasted but I knew he wouldn't go - that would just have been too good.

The rich get richer

A couple of things irritated me today (something of a common theme in these posts, you may be noticing) and one of them was, again, sparked by the radio. West Ham, a club I have a lot of time for, are clearly having problems shifting tickets for this Saturday's game with Bolton. They were, on TalkSport, advertising 'Kids for a Quid' tickets when you buy an adult's ticket. Not a bad idea of course, and to be applauded. However, the adults' tickets were being sold for 'just' £36. Thirty six quid! For West Ham versus Bolton?! How the hell is that 'just' £36 (plus, of course, the £2 booking fee they mentioned right at the end)? So we're now being sold the idea that, for such a run-of-the-mill fixture, £36 represents good value in the Premier League. And that is doubtless not even close to the best, and therefore most expensive, seat. That's how far from the true value of the sport, and the lives of the average fan, the game has moved.

Worse followed. One of my main bugbears with Manchester Utd (yes, I know I've got loads) is that they seem to genuinely believe that they can act in a way which is acceptable if they do it and unacceptable if anybody else does. Alex Ferguson has apparently today criticised the spending of some clubs, calling it 'kamikaze' and saying you can't just get success by buying it. This is the same Alex Ferguson who has, while bringing through young players at the same time, I completely accept, spent*: almost £31 million on Dimitar Berbatov, £20 million on Wayne Rooney, almost £19 million on Michael Carrick, £30 million on Rio Ferdinand, £17 million on Owen Hargreaves, £12.25 million on diving cheating winking fucker, £19 million on Ruud van Nistelrooy, I could go on. They simply identify the best player at any club which dares to stick its head above the parapet and challenge the established order, wave a huge cheque at player and club, and lift him out. Just as Man City, the unnamed but obvious target of his ire, are currently doing.

So it's all right for Ferguson to spend large sums of money on players, but if any of the pretenders dare to have a go, it's 'kamikaze', somehow unacceptable. When I meet Utd fans and express my dislike for their club, the accusation most frequently levelled at me is 'jealousy'. Well, firstly I'm not nine years old and my feelings toward them are slightly better thought out than that, and secondly, if it were that simplistic, I'd have the same feelings for Chelsea, Man City, anybody else with success, money and trophies. So I'm going to indulge in some reciprocal juvenile name-calling for once. Ferguson is jealous of the spending power of the nouveau riche Premier League clubs, knowing that he's hamstrung by the huge debt foisted on his club by the Glazers, regardless of his protestations to the contrary, and nervous that the Utd hegemony is coming to an end in the new order. So there.

*Figures are from Soccerbase.

See?

What did I post during the World Cup, when a bunch of charlatans disguised as England internationals feebly attempted to pass themselves off as a national side? That Rooney would be back to his best the second he put a Utd shirt on, tearing around like a demented Duracell bunny and playing the football that prompted them to pay so much for him in the first place. Well, he's done exactly that in the Charity Shield, for fucks' sake, the very first possible competitive opportunity he had to do so. That is just taking the piss. He needs to think very, very hard before he criticises England fans again, when all he's doing is displaying the very attributes which made his 'performances' such an utter let-down in July.

A word on Hernandez, as well. How to endear yourself to a football public which is divided between people who 'support' Man Utd and people who loathe them. (Genuine season ticket holders at Old Trafford can consider themselves excluded from the quote marks around the word support.) Score the first goal by clearing the ball onto your own face, watching it trickle apologetically over the line before running off celebrating like you'd done it on purpose and then, the thing I hate most in footballers, kissing the badge of the club you've been with for a matter of weeks. I can tell I'm going to love him...